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EVERYTHING LOVE

Hello, anonymous :) I get your point but the thing is what you maybe think of our relationship is not exactly you are thinking. My boyfriend and I are together for almost 2 years now. Not that long but it is not also that short. He is the type of guy that if I dont do stuffs he like i.g (lambinging, alagaan, pansinin, etc.) he’ll get mad at you big time. But luckily, i am that kind of person na i’ll give him what he asks but of course the right stuffs. The thing is despite of giving what he wanted I am being treated as if taken for granted. Why? because I am too kind to understand, accept and do everything that makes him happy but in return he gives pain. I know he loves me but as a person, you need to be loved, taken cared of and give importance not being taken for granted. Within the duration of our relationship it didnt happen once or twice or trice. It’s been a hell lot already. Kung mahal ka, kaya mong baguhin kung ano ang mali. Sa akin alam ko may pagkakamali ako pero kung ikaw yung nasa position ko, experiencing what i am experiencing now, i think you’ll able to understand. I am a very open minded person. Mahaba pasensya ko and i can resist but there will be the time na sa lahat ngpagkakamaling paulit ulit na nangyayari, masasaktan at mapapagod ka na lang talaga. 

Anyways, thank you for somehow read a bunch of rantings I did in my post ;) I hope I am allowed to know you anonymous and share more about each other’s opinion. Goodnight. 

FEELINGS. This word is such a very fragile word. This one word says it all. It concludes everything you wanna say. The thing is, not everybody can understand this word. It has a very obvious meaning yet this is still so unclear to some people. 

I know somebody who is like that. That person belongs to the “SOME” people who don’t understand feelings. This person turns out to be my boyfriend. Sad to say that my boyfriend is not a type of guy who will chase after a girl who gets angry at him or like will do even a bit of an effort just to make a girl feel she’s a big part of his life. My boyfriend actually is not my ideal type of guy whom I usually thought almost my entire life. He is not as loving as I am towards him. He is not as nice as how I am to him. He has too many flaws that a girl could possibly despise him so much that they won’t stand his attitude at all. Simply, my boyfriend is numb. He has no feelings aside for himself only. 

Nobody deserves to get this kind of a treatment from a guy. I am not perfect, I know. I also have flaws, but I still make sure that in contrary of my flaws, I’ll be able to cope up with better things I could do for that person. I am not a numb person. I know when I am feeling hurt or being neglected. The feeling that a person is being unfair towards me and also the feeling that I don’t have that much of an importance in somebody’s life. THOSE FEELINGS. With all of that, it concludes I am deeply in so much pain yet I am struggling. Why? Because I love my boyfriend so much that even though he neglects what I am felling whenever he is being numb I still accept the way he is and still love him much more than how I loved him before. :”(

I don’t know actually why I am so much inlove with this guy even though he is not being fair towards me. I am giving him enough love, care, attention, time, etc. so that he won’t be telling me in the end that I didn’t give enough of it. Also, I am giving all those to him so that he could return them back as well to me. Pero bakit ganun? Ang gusto ko lang naman magbago sya. Magbago sya so he would turn out to be a better person. I always tell him whenever we fight over something that “Madali lang magbago basta gugustuhin mo kasi alam mo na para sa kanya yung pagbabago mo, pero kung di mo gugustuhin magbago laging may mga dahilan kasi ayaw mong magbago.” Kaya ko nasasabi sa kanya na magbago sya kasi ako mismo yung nakakaramdam ng mga maling ginagawa niya. Sa akin niya kasi nagagawa. :(

Actually, masakit. Di dahil sa parang binabalewala lang nya ako. Kaso ang masakit kasi di ako ganun ka-importante at di ako enough para marealize nya na kaya nya magbago. Gusto ko lang din naman na ako ang dahilan ng mga pagbabago nya. These feelings aren’t being understood by him. He wants to enjoy life just like I am doing and in fact, I am enjoying my life while sharing that feeling with him. He wants to do almost everything he wants. I allow him. I allow him to spend time with his friends, play around with them, do anything else aside from playing basketball as long as he will actually tell me so that I know what he is up to. Pero “commited” siya. Meaning he has much more important obligations in life than those of other nonsense. He has priorities and I should be included in it. 

This note is not for the people who will be reading this to hate my boyfriend because of what he is doing towards me, but I am intending this note to be a signal to everyone that a person can actually have patience in this kind of matter and also still love a person more than ever. Call me a very stupid person because of loving this kind of person, but what can I say, I am deeply inlove with him and I am not a kind of person who will give up easily. 

ANG GUSTO KO LANG NA MANGYARI AY MAGBAGO SIYA. MAGBAGO DAHIL ALAM NIYANG MALI YUNG GINAGAWA NIYA SA AKIN.  Ma-realize niya yung mga ginagawa niya na selfish. Na sarili lang iniisip at hindi dapat maging manhid. Na di lahat ng ginugusto niya ayos sa akin. :’/

“Kung mahal mo ang isang tao, kayang magbago. Kayang mag-sacrifice at kayang umintindi dahil kapag nagmahal ka na at nag-commit sa isang tao, ibig sabihin nun handa kang i-accept at gawin kung ano ang mas magiging mabuti sa inyong dalawa.”

Sana sa mga taong manhid at nangbabalewala ng tao, isipin nyo na may taong nagtitiis para lang mapabago kayo at mapatunayan na andyan sila sa tabi niyo. Sana ganun din kayo sa kanila kasi darating ang point na magsisisi ka na di mo pinahalagahan ang mga taong kayang gawin lahat para sayo. 

I love my boyfriend so much, but I learnt that loving him so much can give me so much pain in return instead of being loved back like what I give to him. Hindi ko alam kung bakit natitiis ko. Maybe because I know I will be the one who can change him for good. If that happens, It’s worth of suffering. Di ko man masabi lahat lahat ng gusto kong iparating sayo, sana maintindihan mo at maramdaman mo yung “FEELINGS” na nararamdaman ko. Yung paghihirap ko at mga na-sacrifice ko para sa atin. Di ako perpekto pero gumagawa ako ng paraan para maging perfect. Sana ganun ka din. Sana kung ano yung nakukuha mo galing sa akin, ganun din ang mabigay mo. Di palaging ikaw lang, kailangan ko din ng ganun. :’(

*May (March 23,2013) Time check: 4:48 am

Mabii the Beaaaaaar <3 babe @ivancute07 randomly bought it for me awhile ago when we were at sm. :”) #mabii #bear #babe #awww

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